Was talking about #WomenAgainstFeminism today on Twitter, a trend that I see largely as a reaction to (1) extremist feminist politics found readily online and (2) ignorance/stereotypes about feminism. I tried to handle my frustration with a bit humor but quickly realized this is actually a really emotionally-fraught topic for people. Maybe not the time for sarcasm.
Most the time, feminism in action doesn’t explicitly call itself feminism. I’m talking about things like campaigning for sex ed, same sex marriage, equal pay, maternity leave, reproductive health access, transgender health care, representation, implementing sexual assault/harassment policies, getting women into stem, etc. I think this confused void about what feminists *actually do and believe in* allows the space to be sensationalized by a loud, extreme minority and predatory media sources who see a “hot story”. Mainstream onlookers who don’t know their history or what feminism is (and don’t take a second to learn…) naturally take the bait and then end up railing against something that isn’t even an accurate representation of feminism in the first place. Then feminists are pissed, and anti-feminists are pissed (though misogynists are usually quite happy) and we’ve whipped ourselves up a nice divisive shitstorm of “whose side are you on”?
I understand it’s unpopular amongst some feminists to concede that extremism exists; “there’s nothing wrong with radical action” and “they’re a part of the movement too”! I think those are valid points (and I certainly don’t think the solution is to silence/disown anyone), but I also think we have to admit that it can really alienate people from the cause, and perhaps #WomenAgainstFeminism is proof. What do you think?
Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
- You do not respect their rights as an individual.
- You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
- You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
let me just give you a quick run down of all the things wrong with this ask:
1-you assume i care what some asshole anon has to say when i have 300 pounds and i’m going kikass birthday shopping today
2-you assume id care about some asshole anon any other day of the year
3-i care about the 50 shades of grey thing. and whether you do or not is irrelevant to me because you are, after all, just an asshole anon
4- this is my blog and i’ll post whatever the fuck i want, if you cant take three fucking posts about something without turning into a soggy cum stained dishrag then i suggest you make use of that unfollow button because youre gross
5- lemme break this down for you
if you dont care about this 50 shades situation, you need to grow the fuck up and look at the facts
the fact is the book was so misinformed that all the practises about bdsm culture were ignored and shit all over.
he ignores the safeword
he legitimately rapes her
he never explains everything about bdsm culture to her, shes so misinformed its ridiculous
and all of this is going even more public than it already has and its being romanticised and released on valentines day
like “happy valentines honey! i bought some ropes i dont actually know how to tie and a whip i dont actually know how to use and i’m going to just gloss over the fact you’re uncomfortable because that clearly doesnt matter!”
incorrect use of a whip can cause organ failure
incorrect knots used on wristst or feet can literally cause them to need to be amputated
its perpetuating rape culture in ways ive never seen it be advanced to this leve; and if you dont care then youre truly disgusting
you dont care about the kids not fully understanding their sexuality being abused by older people who they think are totally allowed to do this shit?
you dont care about the people that will be raped because of this because hey apparently rape is sexy?
you dont care about the fact that the bdsm culture is, once again, being portrayed as people who are fucked up and must have been abused to be that way rather than normal people who enjoy a kink in their own homes?
you dont care about the fact that youre not supposed to bleed on your first time. ever. and now tons more girls are going to think that its completely normal? that tons more guys will? that tons of people are going to think its expected for the female to bleed when SHE WONT IF SHES BEEN SUFFICIENTLY TURNED ON AND STRETCHED ITS REALLY NOT THAT HARD
you dont care about the stereotype of subs not actually enjoying bdsm culture is being widespread? that all subs dislike it and simply have an ulterior motive?
you dont care about the underlying message of the book being “a woman should give everything, including herself, to a man”?
you dont care about all the people in abusive relationships that will think “oh well this must be normal then” and stay there?
christian grey is a run-of-the-mill abusive boyfriend. he isnt a dom.
a dom loves his/her sub completely and the motto of bdsm is "safe, willing and sane" (or something like that anyone feel free to correct me)
it means that both partners have to be completely willing, with boundaries, safewords and everything worked out before they even think about touching eachother intimately.
if something is a boundary, you dont fucking do it
if the safeword is used it stops. everything stops
a dom should treat his sub like a goddamn princess (unless they have prearranged and understand that he wont eg-pet play, slave play where anything outside of the bedroom is also in the same dynamic HOWEVER IT IS STILL CONSENSUAL SO IT IS STILL OKAY)
a dom is not christian grey
but millions of people are going to think he is and are going to think that thats the way bdsm should be and they’ll get involved in something very dangerous if they dont have the real facts.
that people will think its romantic because this shit is scheduled for valentines day to treat your partner like shit, abuse her, and that what? getting them off absorbs you of all your shit? no. this is so fucking gross and im not taking a backseat when this shit happens
so in conclusion
literally fuck you, you insensitive fuck stain, this issue is so fucking important.
Signal boosting in case anyone needed to know this.
This is informative as heck. Show this to everyone!
This is actually some great info! Why can’t they teach this kind of thing in school??
Wow, I’ve taken health and sex ed three times during my educational process and never learned any of this. Thanks.
Definitely some important information here!
this is supa awesome. i do think it should be noted that side effects of EC *really* vary. when I took EC I didn’t have any symptoms whatsoever.
The more you know~
When I took EC, my period went missing for three months. Freaked me the hell out, despite having negative pregnancy tests. You cannot imagine how relieved I was to have it back.
U.S.A. freaking me again: how you have not learned this from school? How fucked up is your education system? I haven’t learned the way it works but I have surely learned EC is a valid thing.
"dick is abundant and low value" i am screaming
I’ve given similar advice to friends who complain about their shitty (or lack of) relationships.
what a great life motto
this is the realest shit!